Caring for Colin

I very much doubt that there is an ideal retirement. People age at different paces with differing health needs so in a partnership their later life wishes and requirements will not always coincide. In the past few years I have given up a lot for Colin. But in the past he gave up a lot for me. It's payback time, and, as my lovely 80 year old upstairs neighbour said recently 'I took my vows for better for worse' so now's the time to prove it.'
But it isn't easy, and I know that, if I am to continue to care effectively, I need some time out. I need to renew my energy levels. I have also realised that Colin needs time out. He needs to stay aware of the value of my input in his life, and to retain as much independence as he can for as long as possible.
With his diminishing mobility and his struggle to stay mentally strong, I understand how his easy option is to rely more and more on my care. But when you add this to his refusal to admit the extent of his needs, it's not a healthy combination.
He needs to get out without me. I need some occasional space. So he willingly consulted an NHS social prescriber. Without giving all the details, his favoured option was our local 'Men's Shed'. He used to be very skilled at DIY, so it seemed an obvious start. After an initial lack of action on his part, I suggested we asked a male friend/carer to go with him for the first session.
Colin ' I don't need a companion, I can go alone'
Me ' I thought you might need a bit of help with your poor eyesight, but if you are sure, then of course go alone. How will you get there?'
Colin 'You can take me'
Me 'Okay, I'll drop you off then'
Colin 'If we go to the mixed session, you can come too'
Me 'I don't want to stay. This is something for you to enjoy without me. Shall I message them and book you a space?'
Colin 'No I will do that'
So far he hasn't messaged them.
More to follow....

So this is me...in my late 60s with a growing responsibility for my husband. These things tend to creep up on you. I wish to remain anonymous for the time being.
My husband, in his early 70s, who I call Colin in this blog, has Type 1 Diabetes, a diagnosis of cognitive impairment, executive disfunction, limited mobility and mild dementia. He doesn't quite fit the normal dementia scales, so they think it may be Lewy Body Dementia, but that generally involves hallucinations which thankfully he is not (yet) experiencing. He is on the waiting list for a DAT scan. My daughter is very supportive.
My neighbour is 91 and suffering from severe depression. I keep an eye on her. The couple upstairs are in their 80s and the husband has severe memory problems, to the extent that he can't always remember his wife's name. We chat often. I have nick-named our home a local branch of 'Care in the Community'. That's all for now. Thank you for your interest.

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Thousands of people in the UK are unpaid carers. Their role saves the taxpayer millions of pounds. They take responsibility for a loved one's needs willingly but it isn't always easy.
So this is my story. It has a beginning and a middle but, as yet, no end. And it is necessarily anonymous to protect Colin's privacy and dignity. Feel free to dip in and out and if you want to engage further, use the comments box or contact me directly.

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